The Art of Babysitting Hellmouth Style
by Paladin Steelbreaker
Summary: The art of baby sitting the way one does it, living on the hellmouth.The continuation of Angel and Ozes ultimate horror. Duh! As if you didnt guess that from reading the title.


Author: Paladin Steelbreaker

Title:  The Art of Babysitting (Hellmouth style)

Copyright: 26. November 2002

Rating: ? PG

Spoilers: Buffy: up until the end of season 3.

Keywords: Babysitting the way it is done, living on a hellmouth.

Summary:  Poooor, Pooor Angel and Oz. The Nightmare continues. 

Legalese: All characters except those noted below with their respective rights, properties and copyrights are the property of their respective creators, authors, owners, producers and agencies. These characters are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended or meant, and no money will be made from this story. This story may be copied in its entirety, and may be distributed as long as all copyright information remains.

The characters Kittiara and Sean, are mine. Did you hear that! Mine! Mine!! Mine!!! (uh,sorry. I got kind of carried away.) Anyone wishing to use them may contact me at pal-o-lo@online.no

Author's Notes: Buffy, Angel, Oz and Faith are taken totally out of character, am I afraid. But my muse demanded them to be like this. So please don't incinerate me. 

Dedications: I would like to dedicate this story, how ever amateurish, to some of the greatest fanfic authors out there. Namely:

Steven Pantovich

Tim Knight

Mike Weyer

Nick Midian

Saber Shadowkitten

Akraen

Joseph B

Lori Summer

And the one responsible for the magnificent stories/Series:

Winters are always harsh (and the sequel) 

Years later/Year inn, year out.

Sorry that your name have slipped from my mind. You did a wonderful job. Your stories were among the few first ones that I read, the ones that woke my interest for fanfic. Sadly I don't seem to find your stories on the internet anymore. Is there anyone out there who can tell me the name of this author, and where I can find the stories?

If you want to comment on my story. (Please, please,PLEASE!!) Compliments, or fire spitting criticism. Or if you know where I can find the before mentioned "Missing" stories, you are welcome to mail me

At this address: pal-o-lo@online.no 

And now finally on with the story: **The Art of Babysitting (Hellmouth style)** Buffy Anne S. O'Rourke was zooming around checking for last minute details. She just came out from the bathroom and gave Sean to Angel. Then she went straight for the kitchen and put the milk bottle in the fridge. "Now I think I have gotten it all. The milk is in the fridge, diapers are at the top drawer in the bathroom, and his clothes are in the drawers under. The baby lotion and the powder are in the cabinet over the sink. There is also some liniment to have on his gums if the teething ache should be too bad."   "And if everything else fails, his favourite music is that old musty thing of yours. What was it again? Dark Side of The Moon. I never could stand it. But somehow it always seems to calm him. Now I have laid his favourite blanket in front of the Telly and that cute little teddy bear he got from Willow.  The rest of his toys are at his room. If you need me, you have the number to my cell phone. Now, is it something I have forgotten? " She stood there tripping. Then she smoothened her dress. "How do I look, Angel?" She swung around, and he looked at her in wonderment. She was clad in a simple dress that were glowing deep red, and clung to her body in just the right places. Showing the changes the pregnancy had done to her body. Impossibly enough, making it even more gorgeous. Making sure he would fantasise about her for the rest of the evening.  "You look beautiful as always. Every male at The Bronze will be madly jealous of the dark and mysterious guy that snatched you, he said and smiled mischievously. And I love it;" he said and kissed her passionately.   Finally coming up for air, she looked so serious. "Are you sure it'll be all right? I could always call it off you know. It's just to pick up the phone and tell them. Am I selfish to leave you alone with Sean? YeahIprobablyamandamothershould staywithherbabyandnotgoouttohavefunwithherfriendsand…." "Whoa whoa, hold it there; there is no need to go into babble mode," he said with laughter. Kissing her on the tip of the nose.  "You should go. You are not selfish for wanting an evening out with your friends. You have deserved it. You need it. Now get out! I can handle everything here. Stop feeling guilty, and go out there and have fun. That's an order," he said mock sternly as he practically steered her out the door. A second later she peaked her head through the door. "Are you sure?" "GET OUT BUFFY!!!!!!"  He shouted full of laughter. She blushed a pretty shade of pink, and cocked her head in embarrassment. "Love you both!" She said then, and was gone. |As soon as she closed the door, he let out a happy laughter. Who would have thought that The Slayer Queen, as she was fearfully referred to in vampire society, would turn out to be such a mother hen? It was so touching the way she seemed to live and breathe for their son. The same hands that could tie a knot on a steel bar or snap the neck of a seven foot monster, handled Sean with such gentle care, that it gave him a huge lump in the throat to see it. God how he loved her! How he love them both!! He thought as he laid Sean down on the blanket. Then he sat down by the table and looked over his architectural plans over The Mansion. He had plans of making it into some sort of Hellmouth Slayer Central. Complete with living room, bedrooms, training rooms, a serious weaponry, and so on. A couple of blocks away, a gorgeous brunette were giving her at the time red haired werewolf husband a passionate kiss before she with a seductive smile on her lips, went for the door. "Cya later gorgeous," she said as she sauntered out, wriggling her but provocatively. Leaving Oz mildly out of breath. A second later Faith came rushing in and leaped towards the little baby girl sleeping on the blanked on the floor. Just standing there for a long while.  "Oh God, I cant! I'm terrible!" She whispered as she looked down at her daughter. "How could I ever consider leaving her? I'm terrible," she repeated as tears trickled down her face. "I'm a terrible mother." "I knew it! I'm a terrible mother. Look at her Oz! Have you ever seen anything more perfect, have you ever seen anything more fragile? And I consider leaving her, for what? Just for a God damned night on the town," she hissed as she sat down and curled her hands around her knees. Oz sat down by her side. "You are not a bad mother," he murmured into her ear, while stroking her hair soothingly. "What made you think that? Look at her. Really look at her. What do you see?" She sniffed and leaned into his strong arms. "I see a small child. The most precious of all creation. But also the most fragile. She is dependant on me for food, comfort, protection, anything! A good mother wouldn't want to leave her if it so only was for a few hours. But I do. I feel that I have to get out of here for a while. I'm just tired. I'm just so darned tired. I never understood the responsibility parents have for their child. What a burden it would be. And I feel the need for a little break. To be able to think about me, for a change. And that makes me an egomaniac and a bad mother." "Do you know what I see," he said quietly. "What!" She said. He nodded towards their daughter Kitiara. "Listen carefully now.  When I see her, I se a healthy, happy, content baby. I see a little girl that is surrounded by love, that couldn't have had it better. Looking back two years, I would never have guessed it. If someone told me then, that you would some day become a loving caring mother, I would have laughed my guts out. But resting there on the floor is the proof. Stop doubting yourself. You have changed. You are not by far the person you were two years ago. It's about as big difference between you now and then, as there was between Angel and Angelus. Kitiara doesn't lack anything. She has the best of mothers. But even a Slayer can be tired. How long is it since you had any time for your self? How long is it since you got a full night of sleep. I know you feel you have to prove yourself as a mother. But believe me, you have done that a long time ago. You got to get yourself a little rest, or you're going to wear yourself out. Every mother, need that sometimes. Besides, I will take care of her. Its not as if you just abandon her without making sure she will be okay first! And you do trust me with her?" He mock asked, while wiping away the tears from her face. "Now get out of here, will you. You have more than earned a night off." Faith looked into those unwavering honest eyes of his, and felt everything fall into place. That had to be the longest speech she had ever heard from him. For him to do that meant he would have to feel very strongly about this. And she couldn't help it as fresh tears fell from her eyes. Funny she thought. She that never cried before. And now she found herself crying two times in fifteen minutes. But this time it was by happiness. "Thanks," she whispered. And bent in for a passionate kiss. "I love you," she said. Then she bent down and put a feather light kiss onto Kitiara`s forehead. "Love you too," she said in a soft murmur, before she got back on her feet. "Are you sure you will be okay, she asked?" "Don't worry. We'll be fine.  Now go and have some fun will you." "Will do," she said. And as the door closed behind her, all doubts and fears were gone. It was time to have some fun. Oz lifted Kitty up and carried her with him into their bedroom. What he hadn't told Faith was that it was full moon tonight. Thanks to a spell Willow had performed on him a few years ago, he could now control his werewolf self. But they hadn't placed the spell on Kitty yet. So it was going to be a very interesting evening, he thought.         An hour later The evening had been quiet so far, and Angel felt he had come a good way working on what was to become the main training room of The Mansion. He had even made a list of equipment needed. And when started on that, he had started a list for the weaponry as well. Well time to stop. He had been lucky that Sean didn't wake so far. He gathered the drawings and was just putting them away, when he looked over to the blanket. He was gone! Sean was gone! Frantically he started to search the house, when he heard a loud crash from the kitchen. He ran towards the sound as his mind was invaded by all kinds of horrible scenarios. He rushed in and screeched to a halt. Or he should have, instead he continued to slide across the floor before his feet disappeared under him, and he landed in a cloud of white powder and something wet and sticky, next to his nearly ecstatic son. Slightly dizzy he sat up, and had a violent fit of sneezing as Sean with a squeal of delight continued to pour the last remnants from the container of flour down on Angels face. "Daddy uhu, daddy uhu!" He laughed in joy. Still shaken from the shock, Angel was indeed looking pale as a ghost as he gathered his thoughts and surveyed the disaster area that ten minutes earlier had been a tidy kitchen. Around the floor laid all kinds of food and an unholy mix of milk and orange juice, splattered with colourful dashes of ketchup. And of course, as a layer of snow everywhere, was that blasted flour, that when mixed with the milk and Juice became instant glue.   Somehow the little whirlwind had managed to open the door to the fridge and after literally emptying the lower part, he had gotten down the container of flour from the mid shelf. How did he do that?  Well, there was only one thing to do. Angel picked up Sean and seated him in the baby chair, before cleaning out the room. Finished with that it was time to clean himself and Sean up. Hopefully it wouldn't be too bad.  Bha!! He might just as well be walking on the Sun, before he got his life back. When after almost an hour they were finished, he was more exhausted than he had been for months. How the hell did Buffy manage to make it look so easy! Every time he bathed Sean the whole thing turned into this great big sea battle. Wet and soapy, the boy was harder to get a grip of than an eel, and a great deal faster. In fact, he suspected he had inherited some of his parents' powers. Cause he seemed to develop considerably faster than the average child. He mused over this as he carried him into the kitchen. He got the bottle of mother's milk from the top shelf of the fridge and heated it until it reached body temperature before giving it to Sean that for some reason had quieted down. Maybe he had worn himself out, Angel hoped, as they sat down in the living room sofa. Fat chance for that! He had just drawn a sigh of relief, when all hell broke loose. "Bwwahhhawawhhooooowahhaaa!!!!!!!!!" Sean screamed at the top of his lungs, and nearly choked, on his fist that was furiously rubbing his gums. "Bwahhahhhhhhwaaaaa!!!!!" Oh great, now the teething ache hit in. Poor little fellow, Angel thought as he looked as his son. He continued to scream, as his face grew red with rage. And to Angel's shock, his normally brown eyes, changed into bright yellow, and small but deadly sharp fangs appeared in his mouth.  Sending cold chills down Angels back. Well there went their hope for Sean not inheriting any of his father's vampiric traits. Well they better try that liniment, Angel thought and went for the bathroom, again.    Oz jolted upright. He was sitting by the window in the living room and must have dozed off, looking up at the moon. Even though he could control it, he felt the call of the moon humming through his body along with suppressed violent urges. He looked at the clock, and nearly shouted out. It was a quarter past twelve. And still it was quiet from the bedroom, too quiet. Quickly he walked over there, and his suspicions were made true. The little cage they had made for Kitty was empty. The soft mattress inside was meticulously picked to pieces. And the door was smashed open with a force that a werewolf that size shouldn't have. Well, it seemed like she had inherited some of her mother's strength too. But where was she! With an uncommon feeling of near panic, he started frantically searching the house from top to bottom. But no Kitty. He was about to call Angel when he heard an unmistakable sound from the kitchen. "Wharrf, wharrf, ooooarrffff." He found her inside the cabinet under the sink. He stared at her in astonishment, as she flew past him in a rush of motion. Releasing a series of sounds, that couldn't be anything other than ecstatic laughter. "Whafhwafhooooohhoraffrafff. Hiiiiiihiiiiiwhooooooorafff. Daddy look!" Her eyes although bright yellow, were those of his daughter, not a bloodthirsty werewolf. "Look daddy, Kitty doggie. Wharf wharf!" She barked and started running on all four in small circles. Her coppery fur catching the light and glittering in countless shades. Making the wolf within him proud. "What the hell!" he muttered, as he saw that she was controlling her inner wolf. She actually seemed to enjoy her wolf form. How does she do that? He shook his head. They hadn't performed the spell, so how was this happening? Well, after all he was in the near vicinity of the hellmouth, so anything was possible, he thought and shrugged his shoulders.  But now he had to catch her before she unknowingly hurt herself. Bha! He might just as well be walking on the sun. She was incredibly fast, so fast, that he found that he had to partially wolf out, in order to follow her. It developed to a race throughout the entire house. One moment the little whirlwind was upstairs, and then she was downstairs. Bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom, living room, everywhere. Leaving a trace of turned over plants, miscellaneous broken nips, and pictures falling of the walls. Finally he thought he had caught her in her bedroom, when she did an impossible leap and disappeared through the window that he first now noticed was open. The disaster was complete. Kitty furball was on the loose. Well there was only one thing to do. He reached for the mobile phone and hit angels speed dial. Out there he would need help. And as he impatiently waited for Angel to pick up the phone, he nearly wolfed out completely as the full scale of the situation hit him. Oh God anything could happen to her out there. "Oh God!" "Pick it up, pick it up. Pick it up Angel, you goddamned miserable excuse for an ex bloodsucker!!!," he shouted, and turned beet read, as he heard Angels voice on the other side. "Now what has happened to get the world's most unflappable werewolf to call and verbally abuse me?" "Uh sorry," Oz said. "But God damn it. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!!! I have a serious situation here. Kitty Furball is on the loose. She jumped out the window, and vanished into the night. Get your sorry ass over here, or I will personally rip out your fucking throat." "Now Calm down Oz, try to calm down. You are just about to loose your control over your wolf, spell or no spell. Sit down and breathe deep in and out. Are you familiar with Thai Chi? Yes. Then do Thai Chi until I come. I will be there in five minutes tops." With that said, Angel hung up. Oz realized the wisdom in Angel's words. He needed to have a clear mind. Without it, he would be of no use to Kitiara. He stood up and started to go through the moves that earlier had enabled him to control the violent urges of his inner wolf, at least in between full moons. He was almost calmed down, when he nearly jumped through the roof. With a loud bang, Angel just appeared out of thin air. Carrying Sean in a baby sling on the back. "What the hell was that?" Oz looked at Angel as if he had grown a second head. Angel took a few unsteady steps, and shook his head with a grimace of pain. "I descend from a long line of Celtic warrior druids. And I had just learned the art of apparating before I was turned. I never liked to do it though. It gives me a bloody headache. Now, Here you are," he said and tossed him a wakishaki. For himself he had a katana. "Now fine tune that nose of yours and lets find your daughter." Oz just shook his head in astonishment, and followed Angel into the darkness. It was easy to follow her. I was just to follow the trace of destroyed flowerbeds in the neighbour's gardens. Catching her was an entirely different task though. Somewhere ahead of them, they could hear her. "Wharff, wharrff, ouuuuuuooooooaarrfff !" She was steadily working herself towards the park. Kitty was having fun. Revelling in the speed and strength of her new body. And the moon was singing so beautifully to her. She felt free. Free to do anything she wanted. The first time she could remember changing, she had been so afraid. She had just curled together in a corner of the cage. A cage she hated. She couldn't understand why mommy and daddy sometimes locked her in there. But now she thought she understood a bit more. It somehow had to do with this strange thing happening to her. And mommy and daddy always were a bit sad when they put her in the cage. Mommy and daddy were good. And as she ran through another flowerbed, savouring the smell of the flowers, she felt a wave of warmth towards them. But now she was out. Out on a big adventure. Being a doggy was really fun. "RrrooffRoffRof." Suddenly she froze in fear. One of the neighbours had a big and mean dog, much bigger than Kitty. Now it was coming straight towards her, and mommy and daddy were nowhere in sight. She stood there and was about to run for her life, when suddenly something happened inside her. Calmness grew in her. She too, was a doggy now, and a big one too. There was nothing to be afraid of. She straightened and instinctively prepared to attack. But no, for the first time she felt the difference between herself and her doggy self. Her doggy self wanted to bite and really hurt the other dog, for scaring her. But herself. No, she didn't know why. But she had the feeling that mommy and daddy wouldn't like it. Instead the eyes of the miniature werewolf now lit up in mischief, as she faced the bigger dog. Just as the mean doggy reached her, Kitty stepped aside, and scared the wits out of it, as she partly changed back to human. Just enough to shout: "Bad doggy, doggy go!!!" Faced with something it couldn't understand the dog ran away with ecstatic werewolf laughter ringing in its ears. She had done it! She had scared the bad doggy, she thought with glee as she fully wolfed out again and continued on her journey towards that fun place mommy used to take her to on sunny days. The place with all the trees. But as soon as she reached it, she felt the difference. This place wasn't fun.! With her enhanced senses, she could now sense the danger. And she smelled fear. For some reason she started following the scent of fear. As she rounded a tree, she saw a man bending over a big girl. Kitty didn't know what he was doing, but something at the core of her being told her that he was being mean towards the big girl. And she couldn't let him do that. Teeth and claws bared, she readied herself to slay. She didn't understand the word, it just fell into her mind as she with a roar that almost scared herself, attacked full force. "RRROOOOOARRRR!!!!!"   

As they came closer to the park, Oz became more and more concerned. They were now closing in on Kitty, according to his hearing and sense of smell. But he still couldn't see her, and HE WAS WORRYING HIMSELF SICK!!! And that, that bloody exvampire was walking besides him like everything was okay. He was even whistling, for crying out loud!!! 

"Really Angel, I know Kitty is my daughter and not yours, but aren't you the least bit worried?" he asked in a harsh voice. "Of course I am. I'm only trying not to wake up Sean here," he answered. "He always sleeps when hearing something from Dark Side of The Moon." 

Angel was now looking worried. Chewing on a lip. You see, Sean had bad teething ache and vamped out today. His eyes were bright yellow. And I wonder, how much vampire is it in him? Oz drew a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. "Okay, I'm sorry. We both have extraordinary children to worry about." 

Then a foolish grin grew on Oz`s face. "But Ill be damned if I would change her. Not now, when I just have discovered that she has control over and actually enjoys her wolf form. She was actually ecstatic."  

Angel nodded with a grin of his own. "Yeah, I wouldn't have Sean any other way, either. I couldn't detect any malice in his eyes when he vamped out, so I think things will be okay." Then after a while it came in a grave voice.  "I just hope that he doesn't inherit the bloodlust. I can't see how he could, as I am over that myself, but you'll never know, living on a hellmouth." 

Then he shook out of his short fit of broodiness and gave Oz a light slap on the shoulder. "Come on we have a werewolf to catch," he said and picked up the pace to the point that Oz had to delve into his werewolf strength to follow him. 

As they entered the park, their senses were on high alert. Noticing every supernatural being present. There of one unmistakable smell that made Angels nostrils to flare in anger, and one that made Oz breath in relief and fear at the same time. And as they rounded some bushes, they both stopped abruptly by the sound of incessant swearing in the thickest British accent possible, and an unbelievable sight. 

"Leave me the Goddamned hell alone you bloody midget hellhound! This is bloody embarrassing," Spike growled as he tried to shake off the furious miniature werewolf, which had cost him his dinner. He pivoted 360 degrees, and stumbled headfirst onto the trunk of a tree. Resulting in a loud howl of pain from the feared vampire.  

Kitty had jumped up and latched onto his neck like a Pitbull, while tearing his leatherjacket to shreds with her claws. Spike reached behind him and furiously ripped Kitty loose and threw her down on the ground, where he released a vicious kick to the girl. 

That was when Angel and Oz got out of the shock and charged. But faster than both of them, a small shadow leaped over the head of Angel and onto the ground. How Sean got loose from the baby sling, Angel never found out. 

He just watched as the boy with impressing speed was crawling towards the Peroxide blonde Vampire, while shouting: "Bad man, not kicking doggie. Not mean doggie!" Reaching his target Sean leaped up and bit onto Spikes inner thigh. 

High up, very high up, eliciting an impressively girlish scream from William the bloody. The Vampire found himself falling to the ground in the worst pain he had ever experienced.  Down and almost out he looked like anything but his former fear striking self. Whimpering like Cordelia with a broken nail and ruined hair. 

While Sean refused to let go, Kitty was back on her feet, and was at the moment chewing enthusiastically on his neck again. Spike felt like crying from the humiliation. Bloody hell? He was the killer of two slayers! And now he was beaten by two miniature hellspawns. And one of them was only a baby, for crying out lout! It was more than what he could chew. He would be the laughing stock of the entire vampire society!!!   

"I'll be damned Angel said," as he looked over to Oz, who was equally shocked. Then the sides of the former vampires mouth twisted into a devilish grin. "Well, Oz I don't think we have to fear for our children's survival at the hellmouth he said," laughing viciously at his deamonchild. 

"Poor Spike beaten by two eight months old babies. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it. I hate to say it, Spike. Mister I have killed two slayers, you are over the top. You're getting old." Angel bent down and picked up Sean, while Oz released a vicious kick to the blonde vampires head. 

"Spike, meet the first members of the next generation of The Scooby gang. This is mine and Buffy`s son Sean. And this," he said, pointing to Oz who picked up the little Werewolf that rapidly changed back to human form, "is Oz`es and Faith`es daughter Kitiara."      

Spike looked with bleary eyes up at the two now innocent looking children. "Bloody hell, I'm fucked! The entire bloody vampire population are fucked!!" he muttered, before darkness finally Enshrouded him in a blissful state of painlessness. 

After getting Spike back to his current lair (who knew, maybe he would be of use to the gang sometime in the future. Maybe beat him up for information or just for the training. ), two very baffled fathers and two very sleepy children went home to try to sort out the events of the evening.  

 As Buffy entered the living room, a sight that gave her a lump in her throat met her. Sitting in the stress less chair was Angel and resting on his chest was Sean. Both of them were sleeping, and had similar serene expressions on their faces. 

A similar sight met Faith. Oz lay on the coach with Kitty furball resting on his chest. A soft purring coming from her as she nuzzled her head up under Oz`es chin. 

Both Slayers felt truly blessed as they bent down to kiss their reasons for living, for keeping on fighting. And they both in their own way, had trouble understanding that this could be, that they deserved such happiness and peace of mind. 

Epilogue 

**_(or where the slayer gets her powers from)_**

Somewhere, on a place that existed in the physical world, yet didn't. A woman opened her eyes. At last, at last her creations had peace. She had managed it. The slayers now had what they needed to be able to survive what was coming. They were stronger than ever. 

The woman was dressed like the other warriors of Elysium. But she was not like the other warrior Angels. She was the oldest, the most powerful of all the Warrior Angels of Elysium. As Angela rose from her bed a tough smile entered her lips, and her eyes glinted in anticipation for the hunt. She grabbed the warrior lance, and vanished in a burst of light as she went to fulfil her license on All Simmons, the current Hell Spawn.   

The End


End file.
